Kirk Franklin: The Truth about Sex
HOLLY: Okay, we’re going to talk about your new book, The Blueprint,
and I have to admit, I think the thing I liked the most about reading
the book is that at one point it seemed to get, what I like to call,
very raw. And you started talking about singles and marriage and even
the word that we never talk about in church –
KIRK FRANKLIN: Sex! Just say it!
HOLLY: Sex!
KIRK FRANKLIN: Oh, Jesus!
HOLLY: So we’re going to talk about sex.
KIRK FRANKLIN: It’s 2010 and we can’t say the word sex!
HOLLY: Let’s talk about sex. Makes me
think about
the song that was out back in the day, “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby.”
So that’s what we’re going to do.
I want to start off though, first with the singles, because we do have a lot of single viewers.
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yeah.
HOLLY: And one thing you talked about in the book
is that a lot of times singles think that when they get married,
loneliness goes away.
KIRK FRANKLIN: It’s so untrue.
HOLLY: So untrue. And there’s a danger with that. Can you tell us about that?
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yeah. When you look at marriage as
the “end all” and “the answer” and “the blessing,” you are setting
yourself up for such a lie because there are many married people that
are lonely. There are many married people that are unhappy. There are
many married people that are not experiencing what you think is this
Cinderella story. And so we’ve got to just erase that because I’m a
married man and I’m happily married, and loneliness does not
discriminate. It does not discriminate.
I mean, I remember flying in here last night, because I’ve been gone
for a few days and I called home and everybody in the background was
laughing and having fun and Marva’s like, “Baby, it’s hard to hear you
in here, let me call you back.” And I’m sitting in this room with a
bottle of water, watching George Lopez, and it’s like, “Yeah, yeah,
boy, this is fun, yeah. Whoo, ooh, oooh, oooh, I’m having a good
time.” So loneliness does not discriminate.
HOLLY: Let me ask this question because I know what
the singles are probably thinking while they’re watching is, “Okay,
it’s okay for married people to say that, they don’t know what I’m
going through.” And I think the biggest struggle is, a lot of times
singles wonder, “What am I waiting for? As I go through this process,
what’s the whole point and intent, other than the fact that the Bible
tells me I should wait, what is the consequence, or what is the reason
why — go beyond ‘the Bible tells me so.’”
KIRK FRANKLIN: Well, let me tell you this, and for
those singles that are listening, first of all, you’re not talking to a
married man that is trying to make up something just to make you feel
good. I lived most of my life by myself. So, I lived most of my life
lonely. Even after I was doing albums and was doing concerts,
loneliness led to a lot— like I talk about in the book, loneliness
always pulls its oldest trick. The rabbit it pulls out is sex. Because
a lot of times you’re just looking for companionship, but for a man,
it’s hard to have that and keep his clothes on, you know. It’s very
hard for a man to do that. It’s very hard for a man to have female
companionship and it not lead to sexual things.
And so, to the single people listening, I’m saying to you that I
spent the majority of my life that way, and even when I got married, it
didn’t pack its bags and leave. It can still be there even with people
in the house.
HOLLY: One other thing I thought was interesting
where you talk about, and this is a little probably risqué, since we’re
talking about church folk, where you talked about the “putting on a
show” part.
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yeah.
HOLLY: I don’t know if that was in the singles
chapter, but one of the chapters right behind it — and how the danger
with singles becoming intimate– or having sex, let’s just lay it out
there, there was a danger to doing that.
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yes, yes.
HOLLY: And you talked about putting on a show. Tell us about that.
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yes. Because single sex is a show.
Single sex is a performance. It’s a performance because you want an
encore. You want to have a Part Two to the show. So you do all that
you can do to try to impress the “audience,” so that they’ll come
back. But, you end up doing things that’s not really you, because you
don’t even know what you really are and you don’t know what you really
like because it was supposed to be discovered with your soul mate.
And so when you do find that soul mate, then you spend years, y’all
both spend years trying to reprogram that show, trying to erase all
those tapes.
HOLLY: So, how is single sex different from married sex?
KIRK FRANKLIN: Because married sex is kids in the
back room screaming. It’s not high-heeled pumps all the time. It’s
sometimes with makeup, sometimes with somebody knocking on the door,
sometimes it’s with baby fat, sometimes it’s with your husband, and
he’s coming in with the tight undies on and he’s thinking he’s God’s
gift to you and you’re like, “Uh, you need to change that, you don’t
look good.”
I mean, married sex is not a show. Married sex is real; it’s real
life. And it’s not as much about the performance as much as it is the
learning how to become one. And the reason why God says, “Till death
do us part,” is because it takes that long to get to know somebody.
HOLLY: Wow.
KIRK FRANKLIN: Yeah.
HOLLY: So, I know you talked a little bit to the
singles earlier, but I’ll give you another opportunity. If there is
one thing about sex that you would tell the singles, what would that be?
KIRK FRANKLIN: Is that it is only a gift that can
be experienced in its fullest in the arena of marriage, but in an arena
of a marriage with your friend, your soul mate.
So singles, hang in there! Hang in there and it is a season of
preparation and it is a season of doing great works. You’ve got to see
it not as a curse, but it’s a blessing.
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